What can I say the term is drawing to an end and I haven't done half of the stuff that i was supossed to do.

However i am finding my-self growing in different dimensions one of them in my relationship the other in the relevance of my work.

I am happy now with the way things are and it just feels like it could be so for a long long while. I have forgotten some friends or rather forgotten to get in touch with them but hopefully things will normalise in a few months if not weeks. Once the masters is out of the way I am aiming to kick some ass.

Some serious ass.

In this life we meet a lot of people. Some we find attractive. Some we enjoy their company because of similarities in character or point of view. Others inspire us. Others feel inspired by us. Some teach us things. To some we teach things. Some bring the best in ourselves, allowing us to relax to be ourselves, to tackle the things that we don't want to do in the most simple way. With some we can talk for hours and the time that we spend toghether flies in a never useless conversation.

But to find one person that fits all of the above, and to love that person, and to feel loved by them is a completely different thing. Happynes lies there in. Happyness through a completness that can not be understood just experienced. Finding perfection in our inperfect world that is what we are after and that is what I have found.

I feel truly blessed and I begin to feel what it is to be living if only a small part if only something minimal that matters a lot.

This is just a glimps of what I feel with my girlfriend I just hope she feels half the same...

My girlfriend left my side a few hours ago and I just comatosed on my sofa until now. Catching up on the lack of sleep from the week I guess. Now its that moment of truth in which I have to confron my masters thesis do those corrections that simply wont be there on time.

There always has to be an element of discontent in my life I guess these corrections are it. If it wasn't for them life would be perfect right now. Well that is what I always think, yet it wouldn't be like that, it just wouldn't, something else would.

I have to admit the sleep deprivation due to my new job is the thing that I am finding the most interesting to explore on a daily basis. The text message poetry taht I am exanging with my girl friend is an element of our relationship that helps me endure the sleep deprived comute in the mornings.

My girlfriend came round to visit me yesterday. It was good to show her where I live and some of my friends. It felt like her place was really there. Showed her the Richmond riverside too. It just felt so good walking by with her. Now she is back up there in BrummyLand. We both hate that place. I just hope that things will be ok and that she will be able to relocate to London.

I can not wait for us to live toghether if that is what shall happen. I was a bit worried at first she may not find my friends ok. But after Friday night I feel resure she will fit right into my group of friends here.

I can not believe my luck and the happiness that she brings to my life. Its just a magical feeling. Oh that lovely feeling again....

The pleasure of enjoying ones work can only be surpassed by the pleasure of feeling loved. How blessed am I now that I have both? I do not know but it rates pretty high up there.

There was a cloud on my horizon. It was big and grey. The absence only replaced by a hope. The hope has now materialised itself. It may well be a long way to happines yet slowly we will get there. Now, for a long while I do no longuer feel alone. I hope she feels the same way I do. Loneliness is one of the worse things that can be thrown at us. The universe is a pretty cold place Thank God she appeared.

Now I honestly hope she never leaves again.

This morning I woke up in world that had changed I wonder to what extent my mind set, confused beyond belief doesn't help to seek content with the actual events.

And all of a sudden this planets sucks. I sleept little last night mainly trying to see a japanese Gangster film. This morning I made out of my tube ride a creative experience. This is scary... no sleep equals creativity.... thank God for caffeine.

Rodolfos' TV is one of those sotires that are funny and that make you feel old now it is sitting in the middle of more rubble in a skip outside my house.

The past, the past, if only the future was so clear as the past.

I am really getting mellodrmatic here. Better get a shower and Join some friends of mine for the B-day of another friend.

Pictures of my nephew at hand.

Procastination the worse of all evils.
Procastination fuelled by sentimental turmoil... I do not know what is worse.
I mean... its the worse thing possible. I do not want to do this corrections yet they have to be done.... they have to be done...... they have to be done.

A presence, a touch, a breath is all that is required to feel alive.
There absence is nothing but emptyness. A voice on the phone contends to be a substitute however it is not.

Oh How much do I linger for her to be back in my arms. Oh the tender breath again and again.

Happiness is just a few steps away. Life goes through twists and turns and it sqeezes but it does not kill. The way forward be not be easy as she is hurt. Hurt by me, but who knows things may just pan out for the better. At least we spoke. We spoke about us, about lancuages about business what more can we expect but to be happy toghether.

As usual this may just be an over realisation of mine, or a phantasy but onestly her tender presence is what I miss most.

Lets see how the past meets the future and evolves. Once again wonderful things could flourish.

Why would you be anything else than a software engineer....

You work in an office shelterd from the bad weather, if its good you look outside and realise you are cosy in here. No noise no fumes nicetemperature and complex problems to solve.

You listen to some jazz sit back and enjoy the wealth of log message going through your screen. For the un initiated its worse than chinese. For the educated eye its a perpetual challenge a endless puzzle to solve. Oh the bliss of the brain teaser...

Mood: couldn't be better. I saw Richmond riverside in full bloom this morning...

This is my first post for a while. This new job is full of challenges yet it is exausting to be having to do 2 or more things at the same time. My master is still dragging and out of the scapism I have never had so many ideas of stories. Yet I just have to get my head down and carry on with it all. Life is made in that way.

What else can I do. live work and get on with it.... I still miss my ex-gril friend and wish we could get back but I sincerilly doubt she will want me. I Don't know what to do or how to keep the contact with her until I see her next. We shall see. The pain is still there though... and seems to be there to stay.

Well life is full of challenges and the one that appears ahead is even better than I thought. Memories of the past sink in as the future lies open. First day in a new job... all the more fun to be had. We shall see where this takes us. In origin I shouldn't be in London but here I am sitting underneath the allmighty gerkin looking at the sun as it shines out the window. Grey morning sunny afternoon. London you will always be full of surprises.

Mood: Happy yet something is missing.

The last few days eleven to be exact have been more than eventful. I landed in Birmingham decided to do my viva and leave. Friday I had a job interview for a consulting job in London. If I get it I might stay in the UK for a few months then for a few years. I don't know what will happen but what I know is that I was born for this. For being capable of jumping all over the planet if need be. To be flexible to have the world as an oyster and inspect it to see the pearl that will come out of it. It all sounds very nice and poetic but the problem is that there is a prize to pay. And the relationships do suffer from it and they do suffer a lot. I guess i was born a rolling stone and that just sits in a class of its own.

Tomorrow I am off to belgium then a few days in Spain. Once I know about the job we shall see where my life ends. Hopefully somewhere nice, hopefully somewhere where I can say I belong.

Yesterday was a weird night to say the least. Met with a friend... had a parking ticket and t hen ended up being completely destroyed for the rest of the night. Woke up early then went to bed again. My parents have decided to shorten their holiday.... fair enough I shall stay here and leave by plane... well it is all drawing to an end and who knows what it will be like.

Just now mental emptyness and little more... I don't know I used to enjoy hangover mornings.I guess I am getting old. I really don't know when it started.

I can not believe my life at the moment. I am seating in a room at a conference sourounded by other fellow geeks. Yesterday, or rather this morning I got to bed at 6:30.... proper... nice and proper. There were people in worse circumstances, more work to do... more drunk than me yesterday but for a second as we spent the whole night in the streets something changed. I am also alien here. I also want to disect the way people live, learn and die here. It is funny but it is so. From yesterday onwards I do not belong anywhere. Besides the only interview I had has just sent me a rejection. Its the first time I have to admit but it doesn't feel as bad as I thought.

What does feel bad is my now former, even if the thought kills me, girlfriend. I hav e to admit that she is the wiser of us. But something deep down prevents me from letting her go. I don't know where to stand my life has done a full 360 in the space of a month. All for a good cause though all for a good cause.

FESTES DE NULES AMUUUUUUNT

Guess it is life

Spent the first week sleeping beyond all imagination... could be the heat could the fact that I was simply just tired. In that week of absolute coma ended up with my girlfriend breaking up with me. If that is the only way she can have me react it has been pretty bad. I know that she loves me and I love her too its just a question of patience. But oh my lord that coma was needed. Justa couple of more weeks and we will be toghether again. In the meantime a friend of mine will pop over. Really looking forward to that have to admit. It can be fun.

I will miss my girlfriend until then...

I could not get up this morning. Just the though that I will not see my girlfriend for a month kills me on the spot.It has been probablity the best few months of my life even though I was going through hell and back at work.

I have left some stuff for her to pick up in the kitchen area of my office... Coffee, the coffee machine, tins, pasta all sorts of things.

I want to be back to wherever she lives and leave with her but I a man of the world and that will be difficult. I guess I just have to wait and see what happens.

By the way I am writing this lines from my now former office... this is the last time that I sit here.... My office mates gave me a card to wish me luck... I wish them luck too.

Mood: even... but looking good as the holiday are just there.....

Here we go since I handed in my resignation my mind has been in great rest. There is just atone of minute details to look at moving out puting my stuff on storage sharpening my CV looking for another job or academic position... what can I say life carries on and the enrgy is required. My girlfriend is really standing by me and I am very gratefull for her support. However I am leaving Brimingham on the 29th for a month and that will not be easy. A month is a long time and a lot of things can change in my life... yet I am sure of one thing... I like her and I would like her to stay in my life. It does not appear to be simple yet I am sure something good will happen. My resignation will be the best thing that happened in my life... it may not appear so but I am more and more certain of it.

Mood: Up beat and lookingto the future with tranquile eyes like looking at the mediterranean sea...

That is it the decission has been implemented to the tune of the following lines I have resigned from my current job. She read it but did not understand it I am sure.

I hereby hand my formal resignation from my position as a PhD student under your supervision. The reasons for my resignation could be explained to great lenghts.

However it should only suffice for me to state that I do not feel the appropriate level of support or academic supervision is present.

I undertook this assignement with great confidence in my capabilities and I still think I can take this PhD but the working environment has deterred me from achieving my full academic potential.

That was it ... I even made my own mail round... offered to ease the transition and that is it. Point finished. I am out of here once again with my whole life ahead of me and just lots of stories to tell my grandkids about.

It feels so good to be over this hurdle. I am now free to inslave my-self somewhere else hopefully somewhre where I can work properly.

How can I say the day has been an absolute roller coaster. Had some nice results but I am seriously lacking the motivation to pursue them further. My girlfriend was feeling to well this morning lunchtime... hope she feels better now.

Its tricky how things just go high and low in the same day. its very funny.

Will try and cook something nice for both of us tonight. But the heat under this circumstances is just ackward to live by. I guess I am just waiting to be on my hamac between the two palm trees in my garde. Who knows... Its 10 days away but it somehow feels miles away... to a certain extent it would be better if I wasn't leaving but I guess I need the thing....

What can I say. Its pissing down with rain. We have some beer for after lunch in the office. And I am feeling fine. Its weird how spending time with my girlfriend just makes me feel a whole lot better. She is busy now but she has decided to spend more time with me this is brilliant. I am so glad things are going so well.

Mood: Melancolic but I guess its because of the rain.

Its weird things are draging a bit on. I am feeling fine. No problems as such its just the patience I guess. That is what I have to have. Patience and that is it. It will all come out ok. Tranquility will just flow as the things that have to fll in place do fall in place. It is just weird how little I care about the position I am in now. Its as if my life was nothing but a film. A film that I am seing. The travel blues has hit me and that does hurt.

Whenever I am on the edge of moving it feels bad. It feels very bad. Guess I will just have to take a deep breath jump in the emptyness of life and hope to land on my own two feet. Wont be the first time and it wont be the last either. Just have to put up with it. And with the noise that is around me to.

Mood: melancolic I guess.

The day started late very late as I could not drag my-self out of bed. In fact I hit the office at around 12. Late even for me.

I have had a lot of time to think lately and the decission is made even clearer by al means. I had this time someone head-hunting "sort-of" me. It feels great. Lets see what it end up being. Could be quite interesting.

Lets hope it all turns out for the best. In fact I know things will go well its just a question of time.

Mood: very good... very good.

Doors open or at least people answer after nocking on them... opening takes work... that is the plan for the night. Just the work. But that is fine because I enjoy it. The working bit is the one I like. Its the one I am good at.

Mood: lets kick some ass.

Advance is slow and seldom. Waht can I do but wait. Someone knocked onthe door but I wasn't there to answer. That just pisses me off. What can I say it makes things simple if you open the door. But if you are not in its not really your fault.

Lets hope it all goes for the best.

Mood: good... very good as it is everytime I see my girlfriend.

The morning is grey and cold but the mood is good. Last night ended up falling asleep wilst watching casablanca. Amazing movie.

Well lets get to work there is a lot to be done today.

Mood: good very good

Its Sunday morning i have just left the noisiest bar in Birmingham and my ears are still resonating with the strident sound that warns you of deafness in old age. I have left my friends there because I was just too nackered.

In fact I am trying to draw away from them trying to make the final brech as easy as posible. My decission has been taken and its not the first time that I have done so. It just hurts but as brel said... We don't forget anything we just get used to it. My girlfriend is extremely suportive but I know it not easy for her either. She is in a similar situation at the end of the day. I just hope everything goes fine in the end but in life you never know.

Mood: exausted but fine... the day was nice..

The morning was odd and slow with a slight aftermath because I woke up late.
The morning was empty without caffeine and in the afternoon I got visited. It went better than usual. normally i come out of it feeling shit...

However the decission is taken and I am abiding by it. What else can I do the benefits do not really match the heart burn incurred in the past few months.

I guess I'll just have to live on for a bit and then well see how it goes.

Mood: good the week-end has landed...

The day has been quite productive I have to admit. The happiness hasn't faded out as it normally does. Wonder how I will feel tomorrow. Providing I rest and have a relaxed evening everything should be ok...

Sent another couple of CV's today.

Mood: good but tired. I don't know If I'll still be inspired tomorrow.

Its funny... I saw Farenheit 9/11 yesterday... the weather is discuting today as well but inside I feel fine. It looks like I had enough moaning and I want to get on with it. Enough excuses and put up with whatever comes my way.

Its all very weird as to wy now... All of a sudden I have accepted my fate and I am just willing to put up with it to the max. I thank my girlfriend that surelly has a lot to do with this.

Mood: Good. Very good

As the applications pile up I realised how frasseld my brain is... we shall see what goes on... I just tired of this shit.

A door close yesterday. A door that draws me away from my current geographical location. So be it... I am a person of the bag... and who knows... I will land on more auspitable lands.

The problem is the heart burn associated with all this.... it will take a qhile to regain the confidence lost. We shall see... We shall seee.

Otherwise things have been going fine... reconciliation is among the best things ever. I guess we still have to talk things over but it should be nice to give us both a chance... Talking to my girlfriend in my own mind of course.

Mood: good but get to work you sad geezaar...

Nicolas is back among us in the cyberspace after a few days in and out of hospital....

Me alegro que estes bien.

The week-end started with an absolute nightmare... I ofended my girlfriend and she walked out on me...

We both have strong characters and when something pisses us off that is it.. it blows in all possible directions. I saw her today and we spoke again that is all good. I just need her to spend more time with me and all will be fine...

I care for her and I was really distrought to have her cry and leave me like that.

Otherwise the week-end was spent trying to forget the absolute loneliness that she had left behind. Football on sunday and more beer on satruday than I ever thought was the highlight of it.

My life is a chaos. But its out of there that I extract my creativity constance nullifies my-self and I can no longuer think straight... or bent should I say.

Mood: things are better ....

Well the day was slow to say the least....
The results are looking promissing but I am not sure of their actual validity. We shall see what happens in between... they show hints... as to those hints being enough that is another story. but who knows...

Research is like that I guess... you just get hints to pick up on....

Any how the week-end has landed and as usual i have no clue of what will happen who nows... hopefully something exciting....

Mood: average who knows... Anger still inside as no news have arrived... just have to bear with it I guess....

Woke up early... arrived early at the office. Replied some e-mails started working... Waht can I say things are going well.

Re-running the method as it does have a hint of promise.

Watched American beauty yesterday. What can I say besides the fact that its a great film.

I have my girlfriend to thank for the great state I am now in.

Mood: up like the foam on the capuccino sitting on my desk.

Yesterday I saw my girlfriend and my whole outlook on life changed. She hasthat effect on me. It was great being with her again after a week. Absolute addiction is what I must have. I tried to work a bit yesterday night but it did not work... was too tired I guess.

The morning was ok even if I was waken up by one of the cleaning ladies thinking my room was empty trying to bring a pillow. I should havetaped the conversation cause it should have been pretty funny.

Mood: a lot better as I may have some results.

More friends helped me today. Its nice to feel them there and to get help when Juan is down, pun intended.

Thanks to all of you I am disapearing off home to partially un-pack hopefully things will go well in the next few days...

The week-end has been odd to say the least.
Started with hanging out on the friday and all the way to Sunday with Thrasos and Harry until they left. Went to Chris house cooked saw Lock Stock... it was a nice evening in all in all.

On the unspeakable end things are looking better. Old aquantances are comming to the recue it is nice to gel help from people. My decission is now very clear...

I have missed my girlfriend through out the whole adventure. What can I do she is busy... I moved to a new room yesterday. Same halls... however this kitchen is great. Have to post some pictures when I have the time.

This week-end has been a very sad time. The same old sadness has resurfaced. I need to be loved and cared for. I guess we all its just a question of dropping the barriers an getting on with it.....

Things are looking up on one side. On the others I hope too.

Mood: down but something is going on which I like.....

Its weird how the pattern of missery repeats itself again and again.

• Monday: not too good but not to bad


• Tuesday: starts fine. Undesired intereaction -> fridge feeling


• Wendesday: Absolute shit. I can't even think clear


• Thursday: Morning rock bottom. After prayer normally things look up by the evening everything is great.


• Friday: Life is wonderful as I work


• Saturday: Time for my-self. Time for others


• Sunday: oups have to do lots of things.... but I just don't do them

Why is is always the same? Well I have made a decission and make a move on it. I should have done it earlier but I guess I did not have the energy for.

I am feeling a lot better now. I doubt it was the cumin in yesterdays rice in Thrasos kitchen. They are leaving for the holiday. Good holiday and luck to them.

Doors have closed. Well at least this time I dared to knock on them. I guess I just have to try harder yet now the energy is not there. Its simply not there. Have to do quite a few things today so I will deffinetly carry on this path to perdition being absolutely exausted. I don't know what to do... But somewhere deep down I know things will be allright.

Mood: down relly deep down...

As the afternoon progresses the mood has more than declined ... periclited...

Mood: down as could be.

The morning is rainy. But in only rains outside... thingss have settled down a bit as solutions are there. Now its just the shock. The aftermath is non important. One just carries with his life the way he should.

Mood: get working you sad git....

There are very few things that do piss me off in this planet absolute incompetence is one of them actually is the thing. To be rewarded in ones thought through the demonstration of absolute incompetence is great. In fact there a very few better pleasures. The problem comes when one can not dettach itself from it. Things do get nasty by the minute, by the second, but hey is that not what we call fun by all means.

Mood: Pissed off I guess... very pissed off

woke up this morning feeling dizy. My room spun around a couple of time when I stood up. the acceleration on the rotation has decreased but I am not fully there yet. Its funny. Last night I barelly drank during the football match.

And Yes I know spain is out....

I hope that this spinning is going to help with the work that I am doing.

Tonight I'll be seing my girlfriend... youpieeee. Gotta clean my room first though.

Mood: like in a whirl-y-gig.

Yesterday night was the custard factory... yesterday it was Hip-Hop yesterday I enjoyed myself like I had not done for a while. Ile the urban ambiences that melt in the twilight of the mediocrity that surrounds them....

Stay strong, resist for culture expresses itself in many diverse ways and all of them ought to be enjoyed and let to bloom.

Mood: great... I love lazy mornings.

Yesterday night after the match we went by the lake... talked about life the universe and everything else... my girlfriend was around which was very good. Sadly enough she is going to be busy again for the next few days. Well that is the price to pay when you date an intelligent woman. They like their job and make sacrifices for it. I am the same only I just happen to be iddle at this moment.

Mood: tired but reconforted in the fact that I am loved.

End of day off to see the Spain Grece match at Einsteins hopefully it will be fun....

Mood: upbeat.. good and great...

Heard from another old time lost friend... this time Esther a school friend from Brussels. She seems to be doing fine it that grey old place that Brussels was... The sun shines the mood brightens up.

Wonder what my girld friend is up to I hope she finished her proposal... good luck to her again.

The day is sunny. Things are deffinetly looking up. The fight is not over but who knows. At least solutions are appearing. And with all fareness they seem to be fare.

Mood: upbeat... after a hazy morning...

Dark clouds cover the sky after a few days of sunshine and it does feel like this change sweeps also the inside of my little world. I got a new toy which is always nice. I do like new toys... they are fun. its a tool for work and that makes it all the more interesting.

On the other fronts it is still the clam before the storm and i am sure it will be something silly... very silly that will spark it all out.... We shall see... I am still scared I have to admit.

Mood: lost in translation as I do some work...

The day has been weird. Go some stuff to do which looks interesting don't know where it will take me but the rage inisde is still present. I guess the toy got broken once again and there ain't a way to fix it.

I would say there is an overall improvement of the weather on the outside. The inside is another story. Well hey... life is an adventure lets see where it all takes us... who knows this time things may be ok.

Mood: Puzzeld to death.... or rather not trusting... its very weird...

The weekend was gorgeous the monday was not. Bad news have arrived from the unspeakable front. Well it shall be what it shall be the fight wil be fought and we just hope that things will turn out for the best. Time to say a prayer as the fear grows inside...

Well we may have grin and bear it... we may have to carry on... We shall see but this feeling of my life being in the hands of others is far too familiar... last time it wasn't a pretty sight... last time it wasn't a pretty sight.

Mood: down... yet having some hope.

Saturday morning... orrather advanced afternoon. I am alone in my room seing the bright day outside getting ready to grab some breakfast somewhere.

I will meet my girlfriend later on today. Hopefully for a candlelight dinner.
It is a weird feeling of happiness that surrounds me. Oh I enjoy so much the time I spend with her...

Mood: tired but upbeat.

Luck is a form of intelligence

The day has been flying like the normal one. Its Friday so Pub Lunch and
the lot. At least my girlfriend came by this time. I really do enjoy her
presence in my life.

I am speaking about how life is going with an old friend. I say I feel
lucky. She says she's happy for me and that luck is a form of
intelligence. Perhaps the intelligent thing is to consider oneself
lucky, to admit ones bitterness. Or perhaps luck is forced through the
act of the people, and in those intelligence does play a major role.

It is a hard thing to define luck as it only has a positive side. you
would say bad luck, but that is just a semantic way of negating it.
One can work towards something and someone else get it. It is the
unfairness of it all that makes the concept so daunting.

All I have left is to wish my friend good luck which she definetly diserves.

Mood: the afternoon sun shines through the window of my office
tenderness of the rays of the sun which caress my skin... I really have
to finish this darn document.

Which I have now... and sent on to Robin. It should be ok but you never know what the powers that be will think of it.

As I carry on working through the afternoon I have a cold green bean soup. I listen to gabriel by lamb. Waht more can I expect of life at this split second of absolute enlightenment.

Happyness comes out of the simple pleasures of life. Work, if pleasing, can be one of them.

Yesterday wasa Kafkian afternoon. one of those moments of letting go with the flow and avoiding all responsabilities. It is not often that it happens but it did happen. Its scary to which extent its easy to let go... very easy.

Got an e-mail from Sandra. She seems to be ok. I am glad for her.

Life is very funny sometimes. A tender touch is all that is required sometimes to feel a whole lot better.

Its 1 in the morning I have just finished watching the 25th hour. A film about choices. About the choices that people have to made through their lifes. About how even when you blow your chances life smiles back. My sister told me once, in raltion toa nother Irish mob film, life strangles you but does not choke you to death. I guess she was right.

Bless her and bless my nephew that was recently christianed. May he have as much chance as I have had in my life.

Mood: slightly insomniac but looking to the future

Working in the evenings is something I have always enjoyed so I am slowling drifting away on the aftermath of tyhe day as I finish a document that I should have written two weeks agao but that no one will give a shit about.

Academia has its good and its bad sides. I am sailing on the positive gradient... this is nice....

I do appologise to my gril-friend she does understand my passion. She would just prefer that the pasion was like that for her too. It will be...

On the mean time take care.... I will post all the incidents that happen. And also some recipies of course. I will feel like cooking again pretty soon.

Mood: brilliant....

The meeting went ok. I have now a sense of relief. Things are looking brighter and brighter...

I am still scared as social punishment always comes with a backlash... but hey... Who knows. Happiness has a price and I am ready to pay it.

Went for lunch with my girlfriend. Now that she has time for me I really can see that the relationship has potential. I guess the more I see her the more time I want to spend with her.

Tomorrow is the big step. Hopefully it will all go fine and I will not have to worry about the unspeakable.

I have managed to do some work today. Now I am just going back home to sort out the mess in my room. Ithink my girlfriend will be dropping by a bit later....

Mood: uplifted.

Last night we took along walk around the canal. If this city was always like what it is being now life would be a lot better. The decission carries on and yes tomorrow is the day in which we start to make things different. I do not know if for better or for worse but hopefully all for the better.

Its a bright summer day and I pitty those that have to study. At least my girlfriend has finished her exams. It is so nice to have her back.

Well the mood is down... but the quiet is there before the storm...

Lets kick some arse... and some proper arse.

I have not posted in a while. This is mainly due to the fact that I was away. As in just bouncing about. I went to assist to my nephews christianing. I have to admit.. I am getting more and mote used to the other side of the family. The whole thing was ok. Although I understood why my girlfriend did not want to jump in on the adventure.

I have taken many decissions about the unspeakable. I have taken many possible courses of action ... I dont know which ones will be better... but hell is going to break loose. And I am gonna make sure those who diservit get it...

It has been quite a relaxing time to spend some time with my parents. I do enjoy their company but my life is different.

One of the hardest things in life is to take a decission, in full knowledge of consequences, the second hardest is to find the courage to implement it.

I have done the hardest. Now lets see how it all evolves and in which way the wind blows... Lets rock.

State: Scared to death. But with the duty having to be acomplished for my own good.

That is it... printing out the document... now ready to compare... I so just love this job.

Thrasos sent me a text at 8 o'clock this morning asking me to wake him up. Which I did. I always feel bad about distrubing people in their sleep unless they really do ask for it. In this case I even have proof of it.

i need a favour from you. when you go to get your spiritual fast food today come by and wake me up . see ya

So I did. I only saw a courtain moving and I made a thumbs up sign. the hand that moved the courtain did the same. That was quite funny image I have to use it somewhere.

Beers form 6 o'clock. That is it.

Mood: definetly good though I should be working more.

Yesterday I just decided not to work... na. Woke up late 13:00 then decided to go climbing. Managed to do a couple of 5A's I am begining to get the feeling back. I throughly enjoy it. Stamina is not back but hey many years and packs of cigarattes have gone by since.

I also taped Sandra's flamenco class yesterday. Will get some stills from it once I can. I felt really bad not being capable of speaking with my girlfreind yesterdat... mobile phone trouble? Update: No, she was not feeling to well and went to bed. I don't blame her.

My calculations have finished now it is just a question of seing the results... as the coffee kicks in I will give it a go.

The mood is energetic yet thoughtful.

The unspeakable is no longer present so there are no problems as such... just a lingering rage in the background awaiting its return.

Hell will break loose sooner or later.

I got a new sig as I replied to a friend.

Seeker with self-manufactured light.

Mark tells me as I inquire him a bout this last line, and what he thinks of it, that I am too deep for my own good. To stop thinking like this and do my work.... I think I will follow his advice and finish this post...

Its the end of the day... I leave my office i am quite happy for at last I am not scared... the future will come with troubled waters but right now i am enjoying the stillness before the storm.

State: upbeat but on the look-out.

The week-end was wild... complete switch of sleeping patterns. It was good to be able to be back to be a proper student again. Also got to know better my future house mates. I am looking forward to that is going to be half way bettween a hackers guild and a philosophical thinktank. Also spoke about the unspeakable with my mother, that did sort me out. I know have a better idea of how to handle the thing and new regained energy after having seen so many sunrises this week-end. Its grey outside but I don't really care.

Went for lunch and a "frapee" with Sandra. No coment on what I think of it as it is still pending discussion with Thrasos.

I am working and the bugs seemed to have been ironed out. The mood is upbeat yet aware of the amount of stuff I have to do. I feel like I can kick some ass again. Lets do it....

Sandra just ended her day. She dropped by. I will work until she wakes up and then most likely get plastered again. Its funny how I enjoy hangover mornings.
The last post is Life the text I was talking about earlier.

Barbecue on Monday looking forward to that and the bank holiday. Even if I am going to do some work. climbing on Saturday that'll be quite fun.

State: chillin'

It had been a while I had not asked myself interesting questions. I was only criticising , although constructively, what was around. However, I was not looking in. Was I doing what I wanted? Or was I getting lost?

And it had to be in night of little sleep and even less caffeine in which I was asking myself what I really wanted.

And to my mind sprung the words of Khalil Gibran.

"Look at the island that saw my birth. From there I sprung to the world, with a song and a riddle; a song for the heavens, and a question for earth"

And it is in this sentence that I found the struggle of the prophet, and hence of the whole human race.
I am air, water, earth, and fire. All in one entity. Air allows to fly. Water quenches my thirst and makes me feel human. Earth gives me a reference for life, a surface and a measurement. Fire gives me warmth and burns me inside with the need to control everything else.

What a subtle concoction did the great alchemist create, from those four elements to create the human being. That my own barriers: sky, sea, earth and, fire conform me. That my brother is my equal, and our fights are the same.
That our fight is between sky, to which we owe our spirituality, and earth, that questions us endlessly over who we are and, what we are doing on her.

What is our life but this equilibrium between the one and the other. And of course a prayer never to reach it. For he who knows how to, ceases to live. He becomes wise, and no longer finds interest in the four elements. He knows more. He aspires to the alchemy, the refined chemistry that conforms the human being and everything else. And few are those capable of keeping such a secret. And fewer are those capable of understanding it.

Alone is the wise man, for the air of his words is not enough to free the air in which he flies inside himself. Alone, because no one drinks of his water, that distils knowledge and fraternity. Alone, because his feet are not enough to reach the distant lands that his thoughts have reached. And alone, because the fire of his passion isn't a firefly compared to the flames of hell that burn him inside.

Sometimes I would like to be wise. Others it would be the worse of my nightmares. But I always thought that if I listen to my brother perhaps the equilibrium can be reached. If for that step I end up alone welcome shall that loneliness be for it could never be otherwise.

Got up really late cause I got to bed late too before I went to bed I took this picture of Birmingham. Blessed are the moments like that. There is so much energy in a sunrise.



The night was good. Lots of fun lots of drink.

Spoke about the unspeakable again... I just hate the situation. Well no recent news which is good just carying on with the work.

Larry-o-key was quite fun. Spoke with lots of people. Masacred a couple of songs.... Showed my blog to more people.... I just haveto carry on working as all I have done is gone down the pub for lunch.

After prayer and lunch the mood has improved a lot. Back to work and hopefully I will have the document ready for tomorrow. The images will be definetly sorted by then.

I just enjoy this work of prodding in to the obscurity through a little keyhole.
A single ray of light which can be crafted to the needs of what is seen. I do like I get all romantic about this stuff because I guess its my true pasion.

I normally have a hard time explaining this to my girlfriend. But passion and intellect are hard to combine. O how I dread the moment of equilibrium.

Anyhow Sandra is dropping by soon. A few beers are at stake... lets drink and celebrate for the morning will come with its problems that we can not foresee...

State: I am ok.

Got up at the standard late time. Dragged my-self to the office. I am sure if the technique I am using works and it is all very dishartening. Spoke with Marivi. She doesn't like the idea of me blogging.

In the dark our that this week is being. It is one ofthe only conforts that I get. Perhaps once things get back on track things will be fine. Human interaction feels like a bit too much at the moment. I just want to chill the fire that burns me inside.

I will post my text about life. It is pretty much how I feel at this moment.

Long and eventfull day. Particularlly in the afternoon as I had news from Eva. Childhood friend of which I had completely lost trace of since I left Spain.
It was weird dealing with that in Paralel with the unamable. very weird. I have taken steps to improve the situation the anger is still there and that is not good at all. Not good at all.

Hopefully the visit to the laundry tonight will ease my nerves. Normally the purgatory, as I call it, has the inverse effect but you never know.

I just wish the unspeakable was non existent. But I guess life can not be perfect.

State: Up the wall but some steam was let go.

Sandra just woke up and came to make me a visit... I fed her some breakfast... she could not sleep at all as the night was active on the Rota... Exam time... people are crazy...

Spoke about the unspeakable... I have anger in my inside...

The conversation was indeed interesting last night.... got us up until 2 am or nearlly... beer... onion rings... wine.... pizza... and politics and the whole world. I have to admit I enjoyed the night. The morning was a bit rough but nothing that could not be handeld.

The picture is not from last night... but it gives you an idea....

Finishing gently my day in the office. I am glad I got to see my girlfriend around lunch... She is still in the middle of ther exams and has a lot to do.

On my side I will go and meet two frineds in a Pub trying to unwind after a long days work...

Hopefully interesting conversation of politics state of the planet and life in general...

General state: Driving up the wall....
la la la la she drives me up the wall....

One of My hobbies is cooking.... last tuesday we(Sandra, D,...) decided to cook toghether so that we all had a proper meal...

This is a carrot soup in a few pictures:

We start by frying a choped onion in some olive oil.





Then add some dried Ham



Then the carrots... and after a bit the red pepper



Cover in water and bring to the boil...



When the carrots are soft take out of the fire and use the blender...



Thats it.....

playing around with this blog client a bit to see how things work....

That was me in the Alster... taking advantage of the lighting from a public street map.

Here we go.... blogging again... after a few days sapen in Harburg with Michael back in my good old office in the UK... My girlfriend is in the middle of her exams.... good luck to her...