In a week and a few hours I will be celebrating a very weird first aniversary. In effect it will be one year that I have been working. In the last year I have realised that alot of things have changed in my life. The first few moments where full of uncertainties, lacking confidence and full of fear. They where nothing but the continuation of the month of unsettlement that the summer had represented. Then step after step tings got better. First in the reunion with my-girlfriend. We got together in november and that changed my way of looking at life in a great way. Then we decided to movein together, with an associated series of bumps. Well I got kicked out like a dog from the house that I had lived so long in. I managed to loose contact with one of my friends shortly after. Then came spring and the early incertainties of my new co-existence. I never thought how difficult co-exiting is. It is a mutual effort in controling oneself, ones feelings, not to change but to enable the freedoms of the other.

Then there is the whole discovery of the all so tricky work/life balance. I guess that for someone that is pasionate about what I do like me this those pose some challenges. Even in this homehow difficult exercise I got the whole support and reasurance from my girlfriend.

I guess that throughout this year it has been the realisation that life is a perpetual evolution and has to be taken as it comes. Embracing the present with what it brings and being cautious of all the false friends that may appear. Not being worried about re-discovering oneself in each and every step of the way. All of the changes that have appeared are here to stay, its the introduction of another plane that will in effect not change. Well if this is as good as it gets... I feel truly blessed for the people and the circunstances that surround me. I feel truly blessed for the reciprocal love that I experience making the road ahead only better.

Ti Amo. Lo Sai?

For all my sins I beg forgiveness. From all those that I have offended I beg to be forgiven. The heart is always heavy when the damage has been realised. The heart is always heavy.

The worse damage is that one done on full knowledge of it yet pursued and pushed to the point of no return. The more you love a person the more you hurt them, and that is the worse of it all.

You can only hurt those that care about you, those that you should hurt the less. The remainder of the universe is completely irrelevant but for those people. Yet they are the ones that you hurt the most.

Crazy situatuation it is to only hurt those that you love. Crazy situation it is to only be hurt by those that you love. I beg forgiveness for it all.

And again people have died in a violent maner in the rich parts of the world. And again we have all been reminded of the frailty of the human. And again a thousend stories emerge from the events. The stories have now, the day after, consolidated leaving the confusions of the early moments behind as a caracteristics of this event. Everyone's story was different yet most people had a story to realte it to, we have all seen it before, yet this time as always, its different.

In this times in which atomic cretinism with its inherent bi-polar view, not only of the world but, of ideas difficult problems are hard to solve. Terrorism is not the problem, its the symptom of a far more complex problem.

When the strong inequalities that the present world offers are stomped out, when all humans are just that, human, then perhaps answers will be found. Then perhaps the real solutions the complex yet beautiful answers will be found and applied.

Many feelings ran through me yesterday only to find comfort that those that I love where out of harm, it saddens me deeply that not everyone is this wonderfull city can say the same.

In the mean time how many people have to die? How many more inocent victims have to be made in the name of fighting a sympton and not the main cause of the problem? How many more?

It has, yet again, been several months. A lot of things have passed, a lot of things have changed. I have just spent three days in Paris for bussiness. The hardest thing is how much I missed my girlfriend. Her presence on the pillow, her scent everywhere around the house. I can not believe I made it three days without her have been an eternity.

I have also realised how conceptions and misconceptions change, and how lucky I am in my current position. It will be a while before the continent sees me back. I agree now more than never with my girlfriend. In this phase of my life quality of work may be more interesting than quality of life.

London here I go again.....

Today was a mixed morning of emotions as the news cam in as phone calls through my late sleep. My girlfriend, with whom I have just spent a week-end auto-trader in hand hunting in the west midlands for a car, used the same car for the first time to get to her job somewhere on the outskirts of Leicester. I was relieved and filled with pride. Jolie, as we have decide to call the car, will be supplying a lot of freedom and endless hours of fun in the few months to be. Having a car is always great even if the polute the shit out of the planet.

The later phone call put hings into alot of perspective. My uncle Paco the baker has died. I saw him this christmass for Christmass eve and Christmass lunch and never thought that it would be the last time I would have seen him.
What discusts me the more is the fact that I am stuck in the UK and wont be able to make it even for the funeral. He was a good man, perhaps one of the most solid people I have meet. He went through life always trying to do what is right and working hard. A lesson in humility and simplicity for everyone that looked or interacted with him. I will remember him in my heart forever and shall say see you later to him. I just feel bad for his closest family and all the people that knew him in the town, most of them will be attending the funeral and I am sure they will not all fit in the church.

Thank you Paco for all you knowledge and care. For the endless hours of always enriching conversation. I will miss you greatly. To those who read this if you are a beliver spare a prayer for him if not spare a thought. A good man has left us today and his memory and the way he touched the lifes of the people around him will always be remembered.

Farewell Paco farewell and thank you for everything.

Mid afternoon the day before I go back to work again and I can not prevent to think back on the holidays just passed. Happines lies in the simple things. In a smile in a caress in just being relaxed and not worrying about everyday things.

The time in Florence and Roma was truly magical, and having my girl-friend as a guide was even better. The pictures look great but its the magic that is present in those cities that will even last forever. Florence was even better as I managed to go back after now 10 years. I always wanted but never though so it would be so great to be back.

I always enjoyed traveling but to travel with her just made the experience unique. Sharing all this beauty makes it even better. Oh blessed is every second that I sepnd with her. Blessed is her smile and her lovely face.
It wont be a few days before I see her again but just want to see her every second and spend all the possible time with her. Hopefully it wont be long. I can just wish her now that things will be good and that everything will be fine and that she will find a good job. Life can be weird at times at great at others. I just wish for the best.