Moving on

After two years of successful employment in one part of the galaxy I find myself with several options and a choice has to be made. I have opted for Holland and in a month or so I will be bloggin from there. The choice is made now its design and implementation.... lets hope there are not too many bugs along de path.

Insanity is the new ... blue

As talking and sending e-mails to oneself seems to be a form of insanity well I am insane since I send to my-self a lot of e-mails lately.... Yes Afpa I am insane. Thanks for pointing that out.

I shall delve into de reasons of that insanity at a later stage.

At long last

It is with great pleasure that I type this lines sitting on my sofa.... yes on my own sofa of this new flat that I am renting. At long last I have internet at long last I am no longer isolated of the world and at the mercy of the proxy at work... at long last I feel free to create... at long last...

THE LAST BUG, by NU

"But you're out of your mind,"
they said with a shrug.
"The customer's happy;
what's one little bug?"

But he was determined.
The others went home.
He spread out the program,
deserted, alone.

The cleaning men came,
the whole room was cluttered,
with memory-dumps, punch cards.
"I'm close," he muttered.

The mumbling got louder,
simple deduction,
"I've got it, it's right,
just change one instruction."

It still wasn't perfect,
as year followed year,
and strangers would comment,
"Is that guy still here?"

He died at the console,
of hunger and thirst.
Next day he was buried,
face down, nine-edge first.

And the last bug in sight,
an ant passing by,
saluted his tombstone,
and whispered, "Nice try."

Thanks Nu, you made my day with this text. ;-)

DSC07650
Originally uploaded by pt.

How pleasent it is to find likeminded people out there.
Oh, joy. Oh, blisss.

Alejandro Sanz?????

For som unknown reason I woke this morning feeling actually good. Its pleasent when it happens. So I changed my gmail subtitle to "Stop counting start living". Well it does look better that the counters that I had there for Caffeine, Alcohol and Nicotine free days. Only side note, why on earth did I start singing Alejandro Sanz songs.... I think the trouble is still there ;-)

Request Response

-----Original Message-----
From: Prozak
Sent: 28 September 2006 14:13
To: Valium
Subject: JS tonight

Hi Valium,

A common acquaintance answering to the name of Pill has informed me that
you where intending to head towards the JS to perform the weekly ritual
of inebriation.

Would you be so kind as to state the time at which you aim to depart so
that we can share the journey hence entrusting ourselves to the deity of
London Transport?


Much obliged.

On Thu, 2006-09-28 at 15:37 +0100, Valium wrote:

Your plan, good sir, seems good at first
To go and quench our mutual thirst
To town at once!, the question whether
We should journey up together

Alas! a flaw has just appeared
In our efforts to get beered
Now concentrate, here's the rub
I'm not going directly to the pub

A friend in Kentish Town residing
requests my presence, overiding
efforts to proceed post haste
And enjoy the fragrant beery taste

A diversion first I need to take
Good time, god willing I shall make
You have my word that I will strive
and not too late I will arrive

So we must travel different trips
Before the glass comes to our lips
Lets meet there and raise a tankard
Proceeding to get truly w**kered.

EJ Thribb

Layers and layers in the human stack

Humans and perhaps more human nature seems to lend itself to be separated into layers. As with communication stacks those layers offer sevices the ones for the others. Once something deep down the stack starts missbehaving the whole soul starts to resonate.

Perhaps listening to Placebo on such ocasions is not really the best musical choice. But when you are at work and all the choices in your ipod are either Placebo, Sigur Ros -guaranteed wrist slashing- or my exes music there are few choices. I think lamb as usual will rise up to the occasion. The autumn promisses to be an interesting time this year.

Letting go and enjoying

Quite a few things have changed in my life recently, some others have not. Work for example has not changed much even if the roller coaster has picked up some pace.

A few weeks back I posted a plan for the summer which has proved to be asleep fulfilling prophecy yet I do not seem to be capable of enjoying it as much, letting go is the hardest I always found to do.

Lets let go am enjoy things as they are, come back to being an irreverent mind and re-visit all the places of the mind where comfort in chaos lies. Uncertainty is the word of the moment, instability is another one too, lets embrace entropy, the entropy that will forever live in my life. Lets drain the energy out of the chaos, lets enjoy the chaos as it comes, let enjoy the easy part of life, lets work hard at the hard.

Mail excerpt

E-mailing a friend these words flew out of my hands and on to the keyboard, they seem accurate at the moment.

Keeping busy is a way of handling all sorts of things.
I see it as novocaine for the soul, it is needed, it is good, I am going through a similar phase.
Let us enjoy the night from which at the end we retrieve our souls from the ashtrays.
Let us enjoy the nights which lead the grey mornings on to sunny bright days.
Let us enjoy life under the sun, the stars, and the moon.
Let us enjoy the frienships and the worth that they provide.
Let us heal our hearts.
Let us dance away the rain.

Old topics new times

A few years ago I set on a crusade to understand human nature, through diverse weapons. Having put that quest in suspens I found myself equiped with new tools new experience to try it. I am going through a revival phase, but not all of the recent past was bad, striking the balance and growing stronger is the challenge. Reculler pour mieux Sauter? ou Sauter dans le vide directement?

That is the question: Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to suffer
The slings and arrows of outrageous fortune,
Or to take arms against a sea of troubles,
And by opposing end them? To die: to sleep;
No more; and by a sleep to say we end
The heart-ache and the thousand natural shocks
That flesh is heir to, 'tis a consummation
Devoutly to be wish'd. To die, to sleep;

Control

Along the lines of the social punishment idea I am becoming aware of one extra notion. In each interaction in each definition, in each interface there is the idea and the notion of control. An interface provides a known way to be controlled. In any of the interactions that happen after the publication, actions are forced upon you. So you just transition from one source of control to the other. Not pleasent, but certainly being aware of it makes it easier to control.

Radical Changes

Summer nights always have something special, people meet, people talk, people bond and become friends. It is as if the night and the behaviours that are expected are in effect unifying. Human nature becomes exposed under a new light, or lack thereof. The rules of engagment in such an arena are simple. Come as you are and as you want to be. All sins can be forgiven, all dreams re-enacted, all lines of thought posible, the night brings the freedom that the light of day will never allow. In the dark no one juges you, in the dark there is no need to hide, you are hidden in plain sight.

Follow your desire, follow your instict, dance and be true to yourself. Look deep inside of you and your life will re-surface, there are few things better than being united with yourself, to being united with your own imperfections, to acknowledge the past and look tothe future with bright eyes. To feel the chance of living your dreams. To feel the chance of dreaming again.

Undoing the misterious ways of the mind

There are few things in life more complex than to convince and unconvince oneself of something. Each thought has a feeling, do we choose according to the resonance of each mood, do we disect and clean beyond the core in order to find what is the root cause of all. Professional deformation would advocate for the latter, but perhaps it's time to let go, to resonate and go with the flow, to embrace the void and look to the future without fear, nor reasurance, to put one foot in front of the other and re-learn to walk. To jump, to dance, and paint with all the colours of life on a clean new canvas. To experiment the life the way it comes.

Why are moods so fragile? a sun ray, a smile, a song can change completely a feeling, and by extension a life. Nietzsche was right in its declaration of music as the lowest form of all arts. It is the most powerful way of influencing a feeling cutting out completely reason, forcing the resonance, sending the mind into a spin cycle, with associated emotional conditioner.

Dublin oh Dublin

Ten years on and I am back to my first teenage love of a city.
Ten years on and I remember how I was and what I wanted. Have I achieved it?
I would say yes. I have changed, my life is confortable, and I have resighned my-self to work. Other doors and other openings may appear in life but for the last 10 years I can say I have been lucky. I can say I have been happy. I can say I have been loved.

Time to think about the future and what the next 10 years may bring.
Time to build a new understanding of the world and my role in it.
Time to sit back and enjoy the calm before the storm.
Time to get up there and stand for my-self.
Time to be happy.
Time to succed.

Dublin its good to see you again old friend. Its good to hear you again.

Mi manci sai.... mi manci.....

New online image

This is my new icon for my online life. The people that know me will recongnise the ring. I have it since I passed my A-levels. It begins to date a bit now.;-)

Communting

It is only recently that I have realised the soft patterns that conform ones life.
Commuting is definitely a source of them. Before my commuting was more flexible hence more variation allowed, now I am restricted to two trains an hour.
The chain of events and pattern is hence tighter, each morning repeats it-self same faces, same trains in the same stations. The funniest thing is when you see the same faces on the train on the way back in the evening. The weirdest is the lack of communication, we all are there, we all share the same transport, makeshift reading room. We all work and live around the same river of steel. Yet even without the need of a lingua franca there is no exchange. Modern life in the city is just like that I guess.
When it requires effort to approach the other we do it, when it is seamless we don't. As if the value of the other person was not in themselves, nor the exchange, but in the energy required to approach them. In the reaction energy of the interaction, as if all that mattered was the park required saying the first word.

Commuting is like a big experiment, an endless observation of human nature. I always though much in line with Thinks of David lodge, that human nature was the the ultimate complex object to understand. The ultimate set of rules that if properly mastered would give all answers. I always though there where two tools to assist in that understanding, one AI, another Literature, now I would add another one to the arsenal, commuting.

Ti penso tanto sul mio trenino ... sai?

Waterloo and City
Originally uploaded by Prozak is gone.

I have kept this picture on my mobile for quite a while just to remember me what working in the city was like.... I guess that now it would be easier, but I am happy where I am.

Late night train

NightTrain
Originally uploaded by Prozak is gone.

Late night at Kew Bridge station.... as you can see no one around and just the moon. I was on the way back from the Pub... I would have rather gone back home quicker... a lot of old things came to mind, history repeating it-self, different names, same intentions, but always wrong advice. Mi manciiii... mi mancii tanto.

Moday morning

Lost a train cause I forgot the pin for my card... hope I have no blocked it ..... Got to work late....Found myself with a bug that was not introduce by me as a blocker to the test team......
Oh the joys of software. Happy and reasuerd in my love. That is always good..... new faces, new bosses, new re-suffle. You just gotta love this job.

Plum and Walnut Jam
Originally uploaded by Prozak is gone.

Sunday mornings has recovered some of there charm since we moved out to the country, leafy Surrey has more adavantages than I thought.... I guess deep down i was always a country boy.

Back to basics.

I spend all my teenage years reading the new scientist. I have been back to buy it now....
It took me seven years to get hooked to it again I feel like going back to my old self after a long detour.
It all sure feels good... I realised I was a lot more mature at 16 than 21 gess now at 27 things have synched up.

Lunch: Kajun chicken Bagette from Luna.

Tidal waves don't beg forgiveness as the old Perl Jam went; the preasure comes and goes iterations follow. Trains come and go. Life is something about patterns that have to be harvested. Life is about sequence, details, completeness and Karma. It could be about many other things, but this few ones do some up quite well what things are like for me today.

Went back to blogging as you can see but none of the black Brimingham is there. I guess I need to right. To express, to explore, lets do it here, lets do it now.

I Would have never though that I would be happy buying a sofa. I guess is one of those things that happens in life at one stage or the other.

Because I know I will get visits I put up a picture of it in flickr and a url to an ical so people can see when it is available... Overbooking prohibited.... well famous last words. Link to picture and calendar: http://tinyurl.com/kh7yj

Something happened at work.... a few ports got blocked.... a lot of memories where resucitated... Oh the joys of IP tunneling and forwarding. Oh the joys of the intelectual raced for shielded connectivity. Oh the joys of software.... may they enlighten us for long long long.