And the worse thing is....

not to know really what it is that you want in your life. To be so confused that any interpretation of it just makes sense instantly. If only I could debug myself to trace through my feelings and find what it is that I am truly after. To stop the emotional threads that shake all my being, to watch my internal state, to resurface with a clear idea of what it is that I am after. Or at least with ownership of the whole thing. At the end of the day this is my life, and I don't even know where to start looking for answers.

Is this the true curse of the lover of complexity? Because if it is.... no one near or far will be spared, and the distinct moss that I described in an earlier post, may just not shield you, may just not be enough.

I am just after some human touch: If all the statues in the world will turn to flesh with teeth of pearl.... will they be kind enough to comfort me?

Pleasant Dreams

I do not know if its pure coincidence but the name of a band in my home town, yes I refer to it like that even if I never lived there, is Pleasant Dreams. I bough at one of their gigs a t-shirt with their name and a bicycle .... Oh boy how can they be so right.

The emotional turmoil of which the previous post is all but a mere reflection is gone. Well a good 20 minute cycle ride listening to Eels can fix a persons mind. Nietzche was right, music is the most depraved of all forms of art for it manages to trigger feelings completely by-passing the rational par of the brain. I guess the hormones, have to check their name, secreted as part of the exercise did the rest.

If only our minds where not so frail. Then we may just not be Hiperboreans any more, we may be perfect.

In matters of the heart

In matters of the heart memories are difficult to handle.
In matters of the heart all else is subdued.
What is reality, what is myth, what is desire?
Which way to go when memories of the past unveil the hidden torrents?

The truth is: I do not know what to do...
Can you help me, my old friend?
Can you put some sense in me, or is it time to go full tilt, to live and regret what happened and not the lack of events.

Dear_Juan

Dear_Juan, originally uploaded by Prozak is gone.

I send the after of me, and i get this one in response. I miss you guys I miss you all!!!!!

After

After, originally uploaded by Prozak is gone.

Tonight in my new flat in Hengelo. Similar sort of setup, the pattern of truth has emerged. I have found myself again, happy again?

Before

Before, originally uploaded by Prozak is gone.

About a year ago in Virginia Waters.

Statues

Statues, originally uploaded by Prozak is gone.

So goodnight my dear
Hope you’re feeling well
Hope your’re feeling very clear
In this song and rhyme
Thoughts of changes that
Keep ourselves intact

And yes
It’s hard to fake but I’m faltering
In the steps I’m about to take
I am sure it’s true
What is all for me is much the same to you

If all the statues in the world
Would turn to flesh with teeth of pearl
Would they be kind enough to comfort me
The setting sun is set in stone
And it remains for me alone
To carve my own and set it free

So we wait and see
How this backward chapter reads
In verse inadvertently
And it feels like fading light
But that’s all that’s left

Only what’s left is right

If all the statues in the world
Would turn to flesh with teeth of pearl
Would they be kind enough to comfort me
The setting sun is set in stone
And it remains for me alone
To carve my own and set it free

Jumping from a balloon
A carried aloft by a parachute in june
Twisting round and round
Well I hope the ground is what you find

The setting sun is set in stone
And it remains for me alone
To carve my own and set it free

(Moloko)